So I’m totally, officially a working mom now. I text answers to work emails on my Blackberry while I breastfeed, I organize doctor’s visits and open houses on a gmail calendar right next to staff meetings and desk shifts. Five months after I started back I am in to a rhythm I think I can describe as comfortable.
But five months ago, it wasn’t like that. Five months ago I was a quivering, weak mess that got through the transition only by sheer force of will.
So here are the things I wish I understood when I started back at work. Maybe this will serve as a reminder if I ever get to go through this whole thing again.
1. Dropping your baby off at daycare sucks. But your baby is fine. You’re the one who is the hot mess. I know some babies have separation anxiety early, but V was a happy little clam when I handed her off and a big gummy smile when I picked her up. The tougher I was on myself, the more she picked up that something was wrong. So make it easier on everybody and just grin and go.
2. Its alright to enjoy your alone time. I remember the first moments I stole away for a grown up lunch at work I felt indescribably guilty. Who was I to be enjoying rogan josh and conversation on my break when I could be doing some hand wringing instead? Eventually I found that the balance between work and home works well for me as a person.
3. Celebrate what works for you. Even when you find an arrangement that works, whether its daycare five days a week or staying home full time, celebrate that you’ve found the best thing for your family and don’t let other people make you second guess yourself. A couple of very smart ladies told me that no matter what choices you make in regards to work and childcare, the other side will always look better sometimes. We made this decision for our family because it makes the most sense for our financial security, my professional goals, and my own personal happiness (which is important). There are reasons we are doing things this way and I’m confident in knowing I made the best decision for us. Confidence is key.
4. Daycare babies get sick more often. Babies who are exposed to more cooties are going to catch more cooties. This stinks for V, and its resulted in Brad or I having to stay home from work a few times besides. Work understands. The good news is she’s building immunities earlier so the kindergarten bugs will hit her with less force.
5. Pumping is hard. If you are breastfeeding, making time to pump will be hard. I work in a very understanding environment where people were nothing but supportive about letting me alone to pump 3x a day. It was still hard to get away and do it. As I slowed down pumping, my supply slowed down and it is damn near impossible to get it back afterwards. Beg, borrow, and steal for every spare moment you can and stick to it even when its hard. We are down to feeding 3-4 times a day now, and we supplement with formula at daycare. This is not ideal for us. I would do it differently next time.
6. Balance. The hardest thing. I have a lot more responsibilities at work now than I used to, and its pretty hard to leave work stresses at work. I try really hard to be present in my home life, but when there’s a wacky email string swerving out of control, its hard not to drop everything and take care of it. The Blackberry doesn’t help with that. Having a child, being a partner and parent, has forced me to reevaluate my career goals. I’m reluctant to accept that now might not be the best time to take on huge work responsibilities or projects and that’s hard on my professional ego. But I’m learning to slow down and try to let go of some control. And anyone that knows me knows that’s not exactly my strong suit.
Anyway, I love my new life. I have a fulfilling professional life, a ridiculously supportive partner, and the world’s most amazing butterball lady baby. I’m still developing strategies for doing things like, say, regular housework and saving money. But we’ll get there. I’ll get there.
